My dearest friends,
I apologize for my prolonged absence (with the exception of my latest post), but for an extended period of time I felt like I had nothing to post. I was blissfully content with my life and -if you know me well enough- I don't tend to turn to writing unless I'm working through something. Writing is an outlet, and when one is blissfully content, one doesn't tend to need an outlet. But I digress.
I have been doing some soul searching as of late, with results I never would have foreseen. After numerous lows battling my anxieties, I have now embraced them. I now am craving to challenge myself, push myself, and see just how far I can test my boundaries. I'm ready for something new, so new things are happening. I want to grow. I want to blossom. I want to take the drive, my passion, my capabilities and push myself to find out more about myself. I finally feel ready. Now don't get me wrong, I am scared beyond belief- 110%. I've always enjoyed life with a constant, consistent flow and movement that is predictable and safe... and I want to change things. I am not, by any means, doing something I consider drastic, but it's enough to put me outside of my comfort zone. The part that keeps me wanting to push my comfort zone is the deep seeded belief I now hold that I can do it. That I will be okay. That I can succeed. Not solely because I am capable, but because I want to. Because I am independent, but most of all because if I fail, I know I'll have learned something along the way.
With relationships ending, friends starting their own new chapters, I'm finding myself increasingly in a position to truly be the maker of my own happiness. I hold my happiness within me, and it's about time I embrace it and explore it. No one is here to hold my hand and coax me into new and different situations. I will always have my family, and I will always have friends but I have begun to appreciate that I need to be able to rely on myself. Coaxing myself, challenging myself...that is something I must attempt by myself. Sure, I'll have my own cheerleaders on the sidelines, but ultimately this growth is an independent journey.
The job I have held since graduating last spring is winding down, and I soon will be unemployed. I have said a tearful goodbye with closure to a man I held near and dear to my heart for nearly 3 years. I've made the choice to go back to school, to accumulate more debt in pursuit of a career I believe I'd enjoy and thrive in. I've begun writing again, running again. I've begun to challenge myself to think about life in a new way- one with less fear and with more opportunity.
I guess what I'm getting at, is that I've decided to commit myself to finding the happiest, most peaceful and content part of me. I want to find those individual aspects and areas I thrive in. The things that bring me joy and happiness...and I want to use all of it to my advantage. To lead a life full of experiences, opportunity, smiles, and simple joy. I want to find out what makes me tick. I want to put myself first for a change. I'm ready to learn, so I shall let the world be my teacher.
I apologize for my prolonged absence (with the exception of my latest post), but for an extended period of time I felt like I had nothing to post. I was blissfully content with my life and -if you know me well enough- I don't tend to turn to writing unless I'm working through something. Writing is an outlet, and when one is blissfully content, one doesn't tend to need an outlet. But I digress.
I have been doing some soul searching as of late, with results I never would have foreseen. After numerous lows battling my anxieties, I have now embraced them. I now am craving to challenge myself, push myself, and see just how far I can test my boundaries. I'm ready for something new, so new things are happening. I want to grow. I want to blossom. I want to take the drive, my passion, my capabilities and push myself to find out more about myself. I finally feel ready. Now don't get me wrong, I am scared beyond belief- 110%. I've always enjoyed life with a constant, consistent flow and movement that is predictable and safe... and I want to change things. I am not, by any means, doing something I consider drastic, but it's enough to put me outside of my comfort zone. The part that keeps me wanting to push my comfort zone is the deep seeded belief I now hold that I can do it. That I will be okay. That I can succeed. Not solely because I am capable, but because I want to. Because I am independent, but most of all because if I fail, I know I'll have learned something along the way.
With relationships ending, friends starting their own new chapters, I'm finding myself increasingly in a position to truly be the maker of my own happiness. I hold my happiness within me, and it's about time I embrace it and explore it. No one is here to hold my hand and coax me into new and different situations. I will always have my family, and I will always have friends but I have begun to appreciate that I need to be able to rely on myself. Coaxing myself, challenging myself...that is something I must attempt by myself. Sure, I'll have my own cheerleaders on the sidelines, but ultimately this growth is an independent journey.
The job I have held since graduating last spring is winding down, and I soon will be unemployed. I have said a tearful goodbye with closure to a man I held near and dear to my heart for nearly 3 years. I've made the choice to go back to school, to accumulate more debt in pursuit of a career I believe I'd enjoy and thrive in. I've begun writing again, running again. I've begun to challenge myself to think about life in a new way- one with less fear and with more opportunity.
I guess what I'm getting at, is that I've decided to commit myself to finding the happiest, most peaceful and content part of me. I want to find those individual aspects and areas I thrive in. The things that bring me joy and happiness...and I want to use all of it to my advantage. To lead a life full of experiences, opportunity, smiles, and simple joy. I want to find out what makes me tick. I want to put myself first for a change. I'm ready to learn, so I shall let the world be my teacher.
"What is self-loving today may not be self-loving tomorrow. What you want today may not be what you want tomorrow. What brings you joy today may not be what brings you joy tomorrow. This is why life changes when you keep going in the direction of self-love, desire and joy. But the answer is not to deny yourself love, deny yourself your wants, and deny yourself joy. The answer is to let your life change" ~ Teal Scott
Much love,
S.
xoxo
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