Day by Day AS ...

Have you ever been out of breath?  Have you experienced hyperventilation?  Have your hands become clammy?  What about your senses- have those ever been heightened to the point where it seems like everyone is yelling, when the lights are so bright you feel like you should be wearing sunglasses?  Have you broken down crying out of sheer exhaustion from trying so hard and failing?  Have you made plans and then cancelled last minute, all to stay home and wonder how angry they are at you for cancelling?  What about being mad at yourself, for knowing you’re okay but being unable to believe it? Have you missed work or school because of a mental wall that’s so big you don’t even know how to begin to scale it?  Have you refused to answer the phone or call someone else because you don’t know how the conversation will go?  Do you avoid real people in banks and checkout lines?  Have you ever been angry at yourself for not being the person you think oth...

My dearest friends, I apologize for my prolonged absence (with the exception of my latest post), but for an extended period of time I felt like I had nothing to post. I was blissfully content with my life and -if you know me well enough- I don't tend to turn to writing unless I'm working through something.  Writing is an outlet, and when one is blissfully content, one doesn't tend to need an outlet.  But I digress. I have been doing some soul searching as of late, with results I never would have foreseen.  After numerous lows battling my anxieties, I have now embraced them.  I now am craving to challenge myself, push myself, and see just how far I can test my boundaries.  I'm ready for something new, so new things are happening.  I want to grow.  I want to blossom.  I want to take the drive, my passion, my capabilities and push myself to find out more about myself.  I finally feel ready.  Now don't get me wrong, I am scared beyond be...

I used to believe that all I had to do, was understand how to compromise.  The biggest tool I could have was that of compromise, or so I thought.  If I could master how to manipulate and shift situations to create a win-win of sorts for both parties, I would be set.  I would never lose.  So I worked, for many years with many people, on how to compromise.  I thought I had it all figured out.  I, unfortunately, now am beginning to think my efforts to master compromise –while admirable and of importance- were largely futile.  Compromise certainly has its time and its place, however I have begun to suspect that acceptance is far more powerful and far more important than the ability to compromise. I do not mean to undermine or minimize the results compromise can bring forth; often, dialogue between two people is unintentionally an effort to reach middle ground, to find some sort of familiarity to reconcile or meet upon.  It would seem compromise p...