Day by Day AS ...

Today was a great day. The weather was that of a perfect autumn day – cool and crisp in the morning, with a warm sun in the afternoon. The leaves are a gorgeous array of fall colours, making my drive on the highway so much more enjoyable today. I finally complete my license, and have my G (#procrastinator). I went and did some errands, avoided weekend crowds, and saw some family too. An amazing evening lined up, with dinner and a movie, Friday was shaping up so well. But then, then it reared its ugly, ugly head – my anxiety. I was only starting to get ready, when suddenly I could feel it. Tears were welling, my hands were shaking, my breath was quickening, and I could feel my heart beginning to race. I tried to quell it- it’s been a long time since I’ve had an anxiety attack. I’ve worked hard for it: staying active, eating well, sleeping well, and trying to stay busy. I was happy. So when my anxiety bubbled, I tried to ground myself. I focused on my breathing, I began to text a fr...

I want to be authentic and open. I want to approach people. Pursue opportunities. Show people all the grace and good that the world offers. I believe I can, but only when I'm at my best. I need to be the best version of myself to do so. But how? We create our own paths. Makers of our own hope. Just like we build the walls to our own life. We choose who can see through the windows. Who can come through the door. Who we give the key to. Vulnerability and trust is up to us. We decide what we do. Who we see. How we act. How we live and how we love.

My dearest readers, it may seem like I've taken a long hiatus, but it's been quite the opposite.  I have so many blog posts from the past nine months that I drafted, and never posted. The only real reason I can see is fear. Fear of opening myself up and being vulnerable. Fear of impacting those reading the blog. Fear of making people close to the blog post vulnerable, or stirring up old emotions they have long since dealt with. I wrote, I saved, I tucked them all away, for private eyes only. I may share them as time progresses, but after one post a few years back, I have realized that despite freedom of speech, posting a blog that involves or relates to someone else can be hurtful with permission, even if names are omitted.  So for now, they remain tucked away. But for today. Today. So much has changed. I've grown immensely since I last posted. I never could have imagined being where I am today back then.  My last post depicted my journey with social anxiety. I was in...