Hello readers! It's been a ridiculously long time since I have last posted. My apologies! But rest assured, I have a feeling that is all about to change (and no, not simply because I'm writing right now)! I've come to recognize that I tend to feel the urge to blog during autumn and winter months, in addition to using blogging as a tool to procrastinate from school work (and it is a wonderfuuul procrastination tool, I promise you that). But I digress.
Life has been fairly crazy lately to say the least. I'll give you a quick summary right now, just to keep everyone up to speed :) So I last posted wayyyy back in May (seriously, that was a whole other season ago! I really have been slacking!!). Since then, I have not only been unemployed (three weeks working with my brother(s) and staging my mom's boyfriends house does not count as work), but I've been bored. A lot. I seriously cannot figure out how I lasted all summer without being bored out of my mind. I was fortunate enough to spend a large portion of the summer with my boyfriend, Dan, though! He goes to school in a different city than I, and since I had nothing to do with my spare time, it wasn't uncommon for me to see him for 4 days or so at a time. I had the wonderful opportunity to go camping with some childhood friends, look into Master's degrees vs college diplomas (that's right folks- more school), investigate a copious amount of volunteer and paid working positions (none of which panned out...), and get away with my mom's side of the family for our annual cottage weekend. It was nice to slow down for the entire summer and just enjoy things as they came!
That being said, I'm back in school! Last year of my honours (hopefully) double major!! After many headaches and stress related to finances and course load, I finally have everything sorted out and am back on track. I've already completed one major presentation, and am currently working on 3 other assignments, in addition to my two weekly postings for online courses. You wouldn't believe how much time and dedication online courses take! Come January, I am only enrolled in online courses and really want to find a job (cross your fingers for me folks!!). The past month or so has been full of happy, hectic, crazy chaos (hence the title).
The big move!!! My mom and her boyfriend have purchased a house together!! We're all moving in together (for those of you that don't know, the 'us' is 5 people- my mom, her boyfriend, my twin brother, her boyfriend's son, and myself). They have sold his place, bought the new place and closed the deal on both locations, with all moving on that front done. That being said, we're in the midst of packing, painting, weeding and all-around-prepping my moms house to go on the market. She wants to move us out of our house into the new one, and have our place up on the market, in about two weeks. I think she's crazy (but I always think that- perhaps I'm biased ;) I love you Mom!!).
So it's definitely chaos. It's definitely hectic. It's full of problems, and bumps, and growth and lots of learning. But it's actually full of happiness too. It's a fresh, new start for all of us. I haven't seen my mom this happy in an extremely long time, and even through the chaos of moving two homes, she still beams and glows. I've also been fortunate to find someone that complements me, and keeps me smiling and calm. Despite all of this chaos, I haven't been too anxious. I haven't had a full-blown anxiety attack in quite awhile now (I cannot recall specifically how long it has been- that's a good sign, right??), though I've had my moments. I have decreased how often I see my therapist to an as-needed-basis, and instead have found that communicating with my boyfriend helps just as much if not more (sometimes I cannot believe how lucky I am).
I never thought I could control my anxiety this much. I was always mad at myself for being anxious, and I never understood fully what was happening or WHY it was happening, for that matter. I've come to realize, with help of course, that it doesn't matter why it happens, and it's okay that it does. I can control it now, and that's good. I recognize when I'm getting anxious and instead of retreating into my hole, I speak up and I ask for help. My oh my, how that's a change. Asking for help. I'm not sure why it's so hard for us as humans to ask for help, but I notice it more and more...so many of us are more than willing to help, but yet most of us cannot bear the idea of asking for it. Go figure.
Regardless, life is good. Life is beautiful. Life is full of change, but it's fascinating and wonderous all at the same time.
Today I had been in a bit of a rut, unable to find focus or motivation. Turns out all I needed was a gentle reminder of how beautiful life really is. A friend and I went hiking, in the city (some really beautiful -and quiet-trails surprisingly). We both needed it. The simplicity, the quietness, the beauty and the changing colour of leaves. It reminded me of how much is out there. It isn't about school, it isn't about work, nor money or failure or success. It's more about ourselves, and loving where we are at in our lives, and daring to change, push, and risk what is safe to find what is beautiful. Those high vantage points we hike up in nature are always worth the view...it takes work, and often we are tired and sore after the steep climb, but it's worth it. It's the same with ourselves and our lives. It's worth it. Whatever 'it' is, it is worth it. If you want to write, then write. If you want to travel...travel. If you want to attain four degrees, then go for it. But do it for you, and do it because you believe and know, deep down, that it IS worth it.
Funny. I didn't intend for this post to be so long. Nor did I intend for it to turn out the way it did. But that's okay. It's new for me, not planning every last detail (micromanaging as my boyfriend describes it), but perhaps it's better that way. Less filtered. More unique. More me. I like that. I hope you do too.
Just remember, take it day by day. Keep that head up, keep that smile on, and push for what you believe in. If I can, than there is no reason you can't.
xoxo,
S.
Life has been fairly crazy lately to say the least. I'll give you a quick summary right now, just to keep everyone up to speed :) So I last posted wayyyy back in May (seriously, that was a whole other season ago! I really have been slacking!!). Since then, I have not only been unemployed (three weeks working with my brother(s) and staging my mom's boyfriends house does not count as work), but I've been bored. A lot. I seriously cannot figure out how I lasted all summer without being bored out of my mind. I was fortunate enough to spend a large portion of the summer with my boyfriend, Dan, though! He goes to school in a different city than I, and since I had nothing to do with my spare time, it wasn't uncommon for me to see him for 4 days or so at a time. I had the wonderful opportunity to go camping with some childhood friends, look into Master's degrees vs college diplomas (that's right folks- more school), investigate a copious amount of volunteer and paid working positions (none of which panned out...), and get away with my mom's side of the family for our annual cottage weekend. It was nice to slow down for the entire summer and just enjoy things as they came!
That being said, I'm back in school! Last year of my honours (hopefully) double major!! After many headaches and stress related to finances and course load, I finally have everything sorted out and am back on track. I've already completed one major presentation, and am currently working on 3 other assignments, in addition to my two weekly postings for online courses. You wouldn't believe how much time and dedication online courses take! Come January, I am only enrolled in online courses and really want to find a job (cross your fingers for me folks!!). The past month or so has been full of happy, hectic, crazy chaos (hence the title).
The big move!!! My mom and her boyfriend have purchased a house together!! We're all moving in together (for those of you that don't know, the 'us' is 5 people- my mom, her boyfriend, my twin brother, her boyfriend's son, and myself). They have sold his place, bought the new place and closed the deal on both locations, with all moving on that front done. That being said, we're in the midst of packing, painting, weeding and all-around-prepping my moms house to go on the market. She wants to move us out of our house into the new one, and have our place up on the market, in about two weeks. I think she's crazy (but I always think that- perhaps I'm biased ;) I love you Mom!!).
So it's definitely chaos. It's definitely hectic. It's full of problems, and bumps, and growth and lots of learning. But it's actually full of happiness too. It's a fresh, new start for all of us. I haven't seen my mom this happy in an extremely long time, and even through the chaos of moving two homes, she still beams and glows. I've also been fortunate to find someone that complements me, and keeps me smiling and calm. Despite all of this chaos, I haven't been too anxious. I haven't had a full-blown anxiety attack in quite awhile now (I cannot recall specifically how long it has been- that's a good sign, right??), though I've had my moments. I have decreased how often I see my therapist to an as-needed-basis, and instead have found that communicating with my boyfriend helps just as much if not more (sometimes I cannot believe how lucky I am).
I never thought I could control my anxiety this much. I was always mad at myself for being anxious, and I never understood fully what was happening or WHY it was happening, for that matter. I've come to realize, with help of course, that it doesn't matter why it happens, and it's okay that it does. I can control it now, and that's good. I recognize when I'm getting anxious and instead of retreating into my hole, I speak up and I ask for help. My oh my, how that's a change. Asking for help. I'm not sure why it's so hard for us as humans to ask for help, but I notice it more and more...so many of us are more than willing to help, but yet most of us cannot bear the idea of asking for it. Go figure.
Regardless, life is good. Life is beautiful. Life is full of change, but it's fascinating and wonderous all at the same time.
Today I had been in a bit of a rut, unable to find focus or motivation. Turns out all I needed was a gentle reminder of how beautiful life really is. A friend and I went hiking, in the city (some really beautiful -and quiet-trails surprisingly). We both needed it. The simplicity, the quietness, the beauty and the changing colour of leaves. It reminded me of how much is out there. It isn't about school, it isn't about work, nor money or failure or success. It's more about ourselves, and loving where we are at in our lives, and daring to change, push, and risk what is safe to find what is beautiful. Those high vantage points we hike up in nature are always worth the view...it takes work, and often we are tired and sore after the steep climb, but it's worth it. It's the same with ourselves and our lives. It's worth it. Whatever 'it' is, it is worth it. If you want to write, then write. If you want to travel...travel. If you want to attain four degrees, then go for it. But do it for you, and do it because you believe and know, deep down, that it IS worth it.
Funny. I didn't intend for this post to be so long. Nor did I intend for it to turn out the way it did. But that's okay. It's new for me, not planning every last detail (micromanaging as my boyfriend describes it), but perhaps it's better that way. Less filtered. More unique. More me. I like that. I hope you do too.
Just remember, take it day by day. Keep that head up, keep that smile on, and push for what you believe in. If I can, than there is no reason you can't.
xoxo,
S.
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