Two friends and I were having a conversation many days ago, and I am gracious enough to give them thanks for my topic tonight- selfishness. What does it mean to be selfish really? Where does a line get drawn between being selfish and just saying no and consequently putting yourself first? According to Webster, selfish has two meanings that are applicable:
1.concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others
2. arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others.
Makes sense. Seems clear-cut, straight-forward and all that wonderful jazz. But really... I see flaw in those definitions. The first definition is fine. The second one I struggle to agree with: "arising from concern with one's own welfare." We need to put ourselves first from time to time, and put our needs first. I have been slowly coming to that realization over the past few months, thanks to my therapist, that we need to take care of ourselves. That we are worth the attention, that we as humans are worth getting what we want and what we need. I realize that odds are the definition refers to excessive concern with one's own welfare, but none the less. Furthermore, definition or not, selfishness is open to interpretation.
Makes sense. Seems clear-cut, straight-forward and all that wonderful jazz. But really... I see flaw in those definitions. The first definition is fine. The second one I struggle to agree with: "arising from concern with one's own welfare." We need to put ourselves first from time to time, and put our needs first. I have been slowly coming to that realization over the past few months, thanks to my therapist, that we need to take care of ourselves. That we are worth the attention, that we as humans are worth getting what we want and what we need. I realize that odds are the definition refers to excessive concern with one's own welfare, but none the less. Furthermore, definition or not, selfishness is open to interpretation.
The question still lies, however...where does the line get drawn? Like everything else in life, it's an opinion. It will always change depending on whom you ask. For me if it's someone asking you to change who you are or what you believe in...then they are being selfish. Not the other way around. Having a fear isn't selfish. Having a belief, a value, that is different than someone else's is not selfish. Someone asking you to alter yourself to suit what they want is not only selfish but manipulation. Aside from this.. I do truly believe that being selfish and what counts a s a selfish act is a personal opinion.
This is one topic I'd love to hear some feedback from. I find it's a hard topic to discuss and put my thoughts into words. So now I'm asking you...where does the line get drawn? Is being selfish black and white? Does selfishness in your mind, concur with the definition I provided? Let's hear it! :)
S. xoxo
I agree with the definitions that webster provided but I also think that by definition everyone is selfish. As human beings we need to keep ourselves as the primary focus of our thoughts and actions to ensure survival and prosperity. In that sense no one person in this world can say they aren't selfish.
ReplyDeleteI think that being selfish is a very powerful thing though. If there is one person in this world that you can please, it is yourself! Often people spend a lot of their time worrying what other people think of them, worrying that they are being judged and that they have expectations to live up to. What most people don't realize is that there is nothing you can do in the world that could possibly make every one happy. So why spend so much time and energy trying to make other people happy, when the one person who matters the most can be so easily pleased.
It could be argued that a person cares, wants to help the world, and likes to see other people happy, but I think it is comparable to being off balance and trying to keep someone else from falling. Sure they might push them enough in the right direction to steady them again, but at what cost? Without taking the time to take care of their own situation, they are now face down in the dirt and vulnerable
I get the feeling that by taking the time to balance yourself you can become the moving force that you have mentioned in previous blogs. So don't worry about being selfish, take time for yourself, let your body and your mind grow, then pass on everything that you have learned back to the world!
I anticipate hearing about it right back here!
Abe
Thanks so much for the comment Abe! I think you spoke quite well!
ReplyDeleteYou talk about selfishness being a primary focus, in your first paragraph; do you think it could simply be something that is wired into us, something that is perhaps more of a primitive instinct? If we relate it back to survival and prosperity, I feel like that is the route we must go.
I've come along way since I published this specific post (in my own, biased mind of course). I feel like I have begun to find my stride, and have set new goals for myself. I look forward to sharing my thoughts, goals, hopes and dreams for my future on my blog as I continue to grow, learn, and embrace my life!
Thank you for your support!