Ever wonder if your heart is going in the right direction? I do. I wonder all the time. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I reached the conclusion that if your heart is spinning you in a seemingly never-ending circle, then you are going in the right direction.
Despite this realization that I have reached, my overall view on relationships and love and the likes hasn't changed. I still struggle and I still over think and analyze things. Recently I was discussing with a friend how you know if you truly are interested in someone or not- how does one make that distinction between liking someone as a person or friend versus liking someone as something more? I guess that alone is why I try to establish a friendship before a relationship. Establishing a friendship creates a stable foundation to build a relationship upon, and you are able to figure out if there is an extra, genuine spark there (instead of purely lust).
Lately I have had two guys on my mind, with relative consistency. Occasionally another one pops into my mind, but for the most part my mind seems to be focused on two men. Both are older than I'd like to admit, and both show interest in me. The question is not only what kind of interest do I have in them, but what kind of interest do they have in me?
I have had many guys express an interest in wanting to sleep with me, but few have shown any interest in wanting to date me. I want to know where these two men stand in these terms... it may help me.
I already can identify some characteristics in both that I am not a fan of, but I also realize that you don't have to like every quality in someone- you just have to be able to accept them for who they are, and allow the positives to outweigh the negatives. These two individuals are incredibly different, yet I can not get over the similarities they share- including the amount of dislike they hold towards one another. I almost feel as if I should be in a Shakespearean romantic tragedy. What optimism huh?
I cannot help but wonder why I am waiting around for them though- why can't I make a decision without knowing where their minds are? I am a capable female, and I often know what I want and what I am looking for. I know why. I do. I don't entirely want to acknowledge why however. I've always been the strong one- at least on the surface- and acknowledging why I wait for guys will show some of my weakness. I have a lot of that. I might as well spell it out on here though- I mean, how many people actually read this? And how many of those that do, actually know who I am?
I have walls. We all have walls. I created my own walls. I have yet to be hurt by a guy, but that is exactly why I have these walls. I don't want to be hurt by a guy. I don't want to let anyone hurt me. I have seen it happen to too many friends and family members, and I don't want to be like them. I don't want to be crying in my room because someone hurt me. If I hurt myself... that's different. I did that by choice, I did it with my own control, own thoughts, and own actions.
It explains my past relationships too. I always end relationships before the guy can end it on me. Then, yet again, it is by my own doing and I can see it coming before it happens... by bring any pain that I experience upon myself. I haven't found someone yet that I can let close enough to break my heart, to inflict pain on me.
Be careful with who you give your heart to. You never know who you can trust- including yourself. I know that I don't trust myself. Not fully. How can I- I inflict pain on myself instead of experiencing life to the fullest extent. Learn to trust yourself, but learn to trust others too. It will help you, and myself, to experience things you, I, would not otherwise experience.
Dare to trust others, and dare to trust yourself.
Despite this realization that I have reached, my overall view on relationships and love and the likes hasn't changed. I still struggle and I still over think and analyze things. Recently I was discussing with a friend how you know if you truly are interested in someone or not- how does one make that distinction between liking someone as a person or friend versus liking someone as something more? I guess that alone is why I try to establish a friendship before a relationship. Establishing a friendship creates a stable foundation to build a relationship upon, and you are able to figure out if there is an extra, genuine spark there (instead of purely lust).
Lately I have had two guys on my mind, with relative consistency. Occasionally another one pops into my mind, but for the most part my mind seems to be focused on two men. Both are older than I'd like to admit, and both show interest in me. The question is not only what kind of interest do I have in them, but what kind of interest do they have in me?
I have had many guys express an interest in wanting to sleep with me, but few have shown any interest in wanting to date me. I want to know where these two men stand in these terms... it may help me.
I already can identify some characteristics in both that I am not a fan of, but I also realize that you don't have to like every quality in someone- you just have to be able to accept them for who they are, and allow the positives to outweigh the negatives. These two individuals are incredibly different, yet I can not get over the similarities they share- including the amount of dislike they hold towards one another. I almost feel as if I should be in a Shakespearean romantic tragedy. What optimism huh?
I cannot help but wonder why I am waiting around for them though- why can't I make a decision without knowing where their minds are? I am a capable female, and I often know what I want and what I am looking for. I know why. I do. I don't entirely want to acknowledge why however. I've always been the strong one- at least on the surface- and acknowledging why I wait for guys will show some of my weakness. I have a lot of that. I might as well spell it out on here though- I mean, how many people actually read this? And how many of those that do, actually know who I am?
I have walls. We all have walls. I created my own walls. I have yet to be hurt by a guy, but that is exactly why I have these walls. I don't want to be hurt by a guy. I don't want to let anyone hurt me. I have seen it happen to too many friends and family members, and I don't want to be like them. I don't want to be crying in my room because someone hurt me. If I hurt myself... that's different. I did that by choice, I did it with my own control, own thoughts, and own actions.
It explains my past relationships too. I always end relationships before the guy can end it on me. Then, yet again, it is by my own doing and I can see it coming before it happens... by bring any pain that I experience upon myself. I haven't found someone yet that I can let close enough to break my heart, to inflict pain on me.
Be careful with who you give your heart to. You never know who you can trust- including yourself. I know that I don't trust myself. Not fully. How can I- I inflict pain on myself instead of experiencing life to the fullest extent. Learn to trust yourself, but learn to trust others too. It will help you, and myself, to experience things you, I, would not otherwise experience.
Dare to trust others, and dare to trust yourself.
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