Typical past few days being me- if you have been following this blog or know me at all I'm sure you have realized that that means I've been thinking. My thinking ranges from philosophical to sociological to just thoughts. This post is a bit more of a sociological, and maybe a bit psychological, post. All my thoughts and personal observations, nothing else.
I've asked around, gotten a few individuals inputs as to what they think it means to 'be easy.' For the most part, they are the same. You sleep around a lot, it doesn't take much to convince you to sleep with someone, low values or morals or confidence, someone looking too hard for appreciation.... the list goes on. Okay, so that is being easy. Does that mean that you have to do one night stands to be easy?
I haven't decided on that one. I'm not sure being 'easy' refers to just how likely you are to sleep with someone. I think it also means how vulnerable you are and likely you are to fall, and how quickly and how hard. I think you can be 'easy' if you don't have a
guard up of any kind and let everyone in. If you trust too many people too soon. If you get your hopes up too soon. I think that can make you 'easy' also.
In that sense, I think I may be easy. At times anyways. But I think we all can then. We are all vulnerable at times in our lives. Take the classic 'rebound' for an example. Are you not 'easy' when you are looking for a rebound? Perhaps you think you have control because you are the one 'looking' but generally it takes less to impress you and you just want to feel appreciated again. Nobody likes feeling alone.
I've had one individual on my mind the past few weeks. I feel mislead and now question myself and my judgment. For the most part I have good judgment of people, and can read people well. I now wonder. We met about a year ago, and nothing came of it. We bumped into each other a few more times and exchanged numbers. Things began to show promise, for a friendship if not a relationship. Nothing ever prospered- it was always 'booty calls.' Texts asking me to go across town to party with him. Him never coming my way or meeting half way. So things drifted. I was fine with that- I had been interested in him, but I didn't like his game, so to speak.
Throughout the summer we ran into each other a few more times, but nothing changed and nothing happened. One day in the summer I get a drunk 'I love you' text, and a drunk phone call. I also get a request for a 'rain check' for a loose date. I have now reached the point where I shrug it off and move on. I understand he wants to date and nothing more, and that isn't really what I wanted at that point in time.
Fall rolls around. I text him out of the blue, asking him if he still works at one of the clubs in my area (I was curious of cover and coat check). He didn't, but suggested chilling again. I just laughed in his face and told him I was in a relationship. That stopped him for a second, and he finally texts me "i fucked up, didn't i?" Yes, yes you did. How great are drunk confessions? He later admits he was being a dick over the summer and regretted it a bit. I stopped texting him.
I am now single again. And he knows this. We've seen each other once since, but it immediately went back to the instant attraction and ease. It also has gone back to the 'rain checks' and 'you should come over' texts. So as much as I am realizing I am probably a back up call, or a booty call in his eyes, I can't stop thinking about him. I remember the few conversations we have had that were sincere and serious (family and the likes), and the joking, flirtatious times we had.
Am I easy? That is something I cannot stop asking myself. A guy can take interest in me, and I often take interest in him, but am constantly disappointed that nothing ever turns out. I get left in the dirt it feels like sometimes. Emotionally, I think I am easy. As much as I have a huge guard up, I also let people in too easily. It may seem like I let them in a lot, but my guard is fairly deep emotionally and hard to reach. I like feeling appreciated, I like feeling beautiful, I like feeling needed. I really like being in a relationship.
I believe that as great as a relationship is, maybe I need to avoid guys for awhile. Well, relationships at least. I don't want to be 'easy.' I want, in time, a relationship that I am not going to rush into or end up running away from. At least I realize this. I mean, that's the first step to change, right?
Maybe I just need a guy friend I can trust, just for the benefits. That could suit my fancy. The whole "no strings attached" thing, without being seen as 'easy.' Sounds to good to be true to me.
Thoughts? Opinions? Insights? Because honestly, I'm all ears (or eyes).
I've asked around, gotten a few individuals inputs as to what they think it means to 'be easy.' For the most part, they are the same. You sleep around a lot, it doesn't take much to convince you to sleep with someone, low values or morals or confidence, someone looking too hard for appreciation.... the list goes on. Okay, so that is being easy. Does that mean that you have to do one night stands to be easy?
I haven't decided on that one. I'm not sure being 'easy' refers to just how likely you are to sleep with someone. I think it also means how vulnerable you are and likely you are to fall, and how quickly and how hard. I think you can be 'easy' if you don't have a
guard up of any kind and let everyone in. If you trust too many people too soon. If you get your hopes up too soon. I think that can make you 'easy' also.
In that sense, I think I may be easy. At times anyways. But I think we all can then. We are all vulnerable at times in our lives. Take the classic 'rebound' for an example. Are you not 'easy' when you are looking for a rebound? Perhaps you think you have control because you are the one 'looking' but generally it takes less to impress you and you just want to feel appreciated again. Nobody likes feeling alone.
I've had one individual on my mind the past few weeks. I feel mislead and now question myself and my judgment. For the most part I have good judgment of people, and can read people well. I now wonder. We met about a year ago, and nothing came of it. We bumped into each other a few more times and exchanged numbers. Things began to show promise, for a friendship if not a relationship. Nothing ever prospered- it was always 'booty calls.' Texts asking me to go across town to party with him. Him never coming my way or meeting half way. So things drifted. I was fine with that- I had been interested in him, but I didn't like his game, so to speak.
Throughout the summer we ran into each other a few more times, but nothing changed and nothing happened. One day in the summer I get a drunk 'I love you' text, and a drunk phone call. I also get a request for a 'rain check' for a loose date. I have now reached the point where I shrug it off and move on. I understand he wants to date and nothing more, and that isn't really what I wanted at that point in time.
Fall rolls around. I text him out of the blue, asking him if he still works at one of the clubs in my area (I was curious of cover and coat check). He didn't, but suggested chilling again. I just laughed in his face and told him I was in a relationship. That stopped him for a second, and he finally texts me "i fucked up, didn't i?" Yes, yes you did. How great are drunk confessions? He later admits he was being a dick over the summer and regretted it a bit. I stopped texting him.
I am now single again. And he knows this. We've seen each other once since, but it immediately went back to the instant attraction and ease. It also has gone back to the 'rain checks' and 'you should come over' texts. So as much as I am realizing I am probably a back up call, or a booty call in his eyes, I can't stop thinking about him. I remember the few conversations we have had that were sincere and serious (family and the likes), and the joking, flirtatious times we had.
Am I easy? That is something I cannot stop asking myself. A guy can take interest in me, and I often take interest in him, but am constantly disappointed that nothing ever turns out. I get left in the dirt it feels like sometimes. Emotionally, I think I am easy. As much as I have a huge guard up, I also let people in too easily. It may seem like I let them in a lot, but my guard is fairly deep emotionally and hard to reach. I like feeling appreciated, I like feeling beautiful, I like feeling needed. I really like being in a relationship.
I believe that as great as a relationship is, maybe I need to avoid guys for awhile. Well, relationships at least. I don't want to be 'easy.' I want, in time, a relationship that I am not going to rush into or end up running away from. At least I realize this. I mean, that's the first step to change, right?
Maybe I just need a guy friend I can trust, just for the benefits. That could suit my fancy. The whole "no strings attached" thing, without being seen as 'easy.' Sounds to good to be true to me.
Thoughts? Opinions? Insights? Because honestly, I'm all ears (or eyes).
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